Tina Fey’s prayer for her daughter

I’m in my third home stretch with my daughter. There are probably a total of 6 of these in a lifetime for a mother.  But the third home stretch in my definition is the prep for college. I am in over-educate mode to ensure that she is mentally and emotionally ready to go out, get trained and find her own “center” to pursue her passion. That passion will be all about helping people in some form of fashion, we don’t know what. But my daughter has a real heart to help people at least some of them. 

As with most of these “home stretches” I find out there is nothing I can really make happen. I can provide love, environment, coaching, driving lessons but what happens between her mind and heart and what other factors happen, I have no control over. I realize I have so little control over so much, I submit to pray more that God will be with her and teach her inwardly.

As serious as this topic is I found Tina Fey’s pray for her daughter not only witty but true for me as well.  I guess most women want the same for their children and even though they come from different belief systems and backgrounds. So I share it here, if only for me to get a break from the concern of it all. Oh and the language of course is not perfect, but then if you are a mom yours isn’t always either:)  – don’t get too serious about that! 

A Mothers Prayer For Its Child By Tina Fey

Tina Fey’s Prayer:

Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her
When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels.

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that $hit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.

“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.


Source: Bossypants and Elephant – dedicated to a mindful life


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